Make My Life As Kindling...

Yes, I'm home.  Sorry it's taken me so long to blog.  I've been um... recuperating.  I haven't recovered from jet lag as well as I'd thought.  I did fine recovering when I arrived in India, but this time has been harder.  And, I'm having bowl problems.  It feels like I'm having culture/food shock, yet in my very own country!  Weird.

  I haven't been sleeping well since arriving home.  I wake up several times in the night (usually around 4 which was lunch time in Thailand).  I can't fall asleep well.  Like, last night, it took me over 2 hours to get to sleep!  Pathetic!  But, I started counting to 100 in Spanish and that did the trick.  I didn't even get to 80. But either way, I'm suffering from lack of sleep.  I only got like around 5 hours of sleep or less on the whole trip home which I'm guessing was around 2 1/2 or 3 days of traveling.  Yes, I'm very tired.

  But it sure feels good to be home.  I hadn't really felt like I was gone that long.  Seeing my family wasn't such a big deal like it was when I came back from Guatemala, but that's partly due to Skype (bless those who came up with it!).  And seeing our home after 6 1/2 weeks didn't strike any resounding chord in my heart... I was just happy to see it and hit the bed.  How undramatic.

  I have changed, though.  Yes, I have changed... a lot.  In different ways.  I knew I would.  No one can go on a mission trip and not be changed somehow.  What changed?

  What first gave me hints as to a hidden change in me, was when I came home, opened my closet and got an overwhelming feeling that I had way too many clothes.  It probably takes me just as much time finding what I want to wear that day as it does shopping for clothes (okay, exaggeration).  Life was so simple when I only had 5 shirts to choose from in my suitcase.  I began tearing through my closet.  A growing pile of clothing items started taking up floor space as unwanted/unworn/too small/too large apparel were thrown on the ground.  And there's still more than I need!  I walk into my room and immediately find things that I don't really need or want and they're promptly thrown away or in the "Goodwill" pile.  I hardly have any "but I might need this someday" or "what on earth are you doing?" thoughts.  It's almost like I'm doing a much needed "past-due-date" cleansing.

  I can't not think of all those disadvantaged people in those 3rd world countries and sit in idle repose surrounded by my luxurious living.  Sure, my family's not rich Americans (far from it), but we still have way more than we need.  Americans in general become so caught up in the pursuit of money, career, popularity and education that we begin collecting "non-essentials" that only take up space.  It's ridiculous.  Sell some of your collectables and help someone in India, for crying out loud.

  Also, my world view has changed... drastically.  Having only been to the Americas, it was a totally new experience to see the Asian countries, their religions, their beliefs, their lives, their diets and their values.  Most Indians value family.  South Korea values education.  Thailand values... um... tourism?  I don't know.  But their values change their country.  Their values could make their country prosperous or not.  Their religions have such a hold on them.  Some religions are so oppressing that it's almost as though the people are slaves to it... yet they've put the bonds of servanthood on themselves.  They trust in wood and stone and are slaves to their own fears.  

  

  I've also changed in that I've got that fire for missions again.  Sure, I always have an ember in my heart, but it's become a fire again.  I say "again" because I always get that fire when I go on a mission trip.  And every time, it grows bigger and bigger and doesn't die away easily.  But shouldn't it be that way?  We all need that fire.

  I just wish I could share some of it with the slumbering people here in the States.  If only I could kindle a fire under them and wake them up to the world's condition and the eminent return of our Lord and all the work that needs to be done.  Stop focusing on how you can get as much out of life as possible.  Instead, focus on how much you can give.  Give yourself away.

  There's a quote that I heard from a song years back that has become my motto.  I find it fitting to this desire of mine and is my heartfelt prayer...

"Make my life as kindling, to set the world on fire."

  I can change that to..."set Lewiston on fire."  Or, "set Orofino on fire."  Or Kooskia.  Or Clarkston.  If I can start a spark in one place, it can spread to encompass the whole world.  I'm going to start with my closest mission fields right now.  Will you help me start a wildfire?

Introducing...Thailand

Mosquito bites.  Walking barefoot.  Eating mango sticky rice.  Trying a new exotic fruit.  Drinking coconut water from the coconut.  Sweat.  Great friends.

...Thailand.  It doesn't get much better than this!

  I'm here with the Rawlings family, enjoying my two weeks of warm weather, swimming and sightseeing.  It's truly a vacation from the cold weather of northern India and all the hard work I exerted during that time.

  But you know what's so funny?  Although I'm really enjoying my time, I am intensely drawn to the remote villages with their small huts, dirt floors, dirty children and rummaging dogs.  This last Sabbath, as we were leaving the academy (the only Adventist academy with a high school in all of Thailand), Steve took us on a little tour of the village nearby the school.  As we bumped along the rough road, my eyes were glued to the car window.  Everything was so familiar that it felt like I was home... in this filthy wisp of a village.  And yet, I wanted to jump out of the car and throw myself wholeheartedly into living these villagers' life.  I never realized how strongly this lifestyle tugged on my heart.

  Sure the living conditions aren't the best.  Most people in these 3rd world countries don't have clean water.  They don't have sanitary ways of washing dishes or bathing.  They sleep on the ground.  They walk barefoot and get parasites.  They contract diseases that usually don't cause a problem in the U.S., and yet they'll die from them.  What on earth would be so appealing about this life to a young girl from the States?

  It's so simple.  It's so un-extravagant.  It's so unpretending.  And it pulls on my heartstrings.  If I lived in conditions like this, I would do all in my power to stay clean, safe, sanitary and sane.  But, when you love something, you're willing to sacrifice comfort and security.  I realize... I love these people.  Not the Thai specifically (although, they now have a special place in my heart), but every "underprivileged" group of people.  Why do I put underprivileged in quotes?  Because, really...are they underprivileged?  Some may think they are, but they possess some of the greatest qualities in life... contentment, hospitality, thankfulness, selflessness, happiness.  Who's to say they are underprivileged?

   Driving through that "underprivileged" village, I was reminded of my time in India just a week back. My heart got heavy as all the memories of my time there with the girls came flooding back.  I miss them.  I really do.  I've come to the conclusion that I love - and I mean love - working with young people, be they small orphans or blossoming young ladies.  Either way, they absolutely steal my heart away.

  Steve interrupted my thoughts when he mentioned that Pastor Phamor had 12 young ladies (I think it was 12) who he [Pastor Phamor] was sponsoring to attend the Adventist academy.  They are Karen girls from Burma, all high school age.  Pastor Phamor has worked hard to train these girls to be proper Adventists.  The problem is, the academy has a strong Buddhist influence because of all the young people attending there who aren't converted.  Phamor is nervous to have these young ladies swayed from their beliefs, so he keeps them in a small "house" off of the campus (it's a boarding academy).  Problem is, he hasn't found a "housemother" to care for the girls (what he's doing now, I'm not sure).  Steve has discussed this predicament with Pastor Phamor and has been on the lookout for a suitable lady.  He brought the issue up to me to see if I was interested.  And I am super interested... except that I have committed myself to finishing college.  If I was done with college, I would jump on the opportunity.  But I feel led by God to finish what I've started.  Plus, being trained in dental work will help me be of better service.

  But, oh! how I want to be done with college!  I want to get on with my life, be of better help to mankind, throw myself into service.  But I'm yanked back to reality every fall when I sign up for another year of school.  Bother.

  But, then I remind myself, I can still find my mission field while in college.  They could be a neighbor, a VBS kid, a single mother, a group of young people, a classmate.  Why wait to be a missionary till I'm done with school?  Why can't I start now?

  And I am.  This trip has helped me refocus on my mission.  It's helping my eye be single to what God has planned for me.  And I'm ready to go wherever and whenever He calls me.