My Father

Know what's worse than missing someone when they're not with you?

Missing someone when they are with you.

That's how I felt this past weekend whenever I looked at my dad.  Sure, he's there physically right in front of me.  But, I feel like he's missing.  Cancer has a way of doing that to people.

He has to sleep propped up on a recliner in the living room now because he can't breath well at night.  Poor mom, all alone in that big bed.  Wouldn't be surprised if she's sleeping on the couch next to him.

Dad doesn't talk much now.  His talking is usually interrupted by fits of coughing.  He can't talk loud or long.  What's worse... he can't sing.  Singing is our love, our family tradition, our ministry, our joy.  When dad sings with his girls, he just beams.  But now, he'll have to just play the guitar for us while we sing.

The Lord's prayer is not quite as good without dad's strong male voice ushering a sense of awe.

It's just hard to go home now to see my family and feel like part of the household is missing.  A piece is gone.  Dad is still here, but he's not the same dad that I've always known.  He shows more pain, admits his frailty more readily, and surrenders his tasks more often to the able hands of his wife or daughters.

But, he's still dad.

He was outside in the chilly morning air planting bulbs.  He can still impress even himself with his guitar playing.  He gets the heartiest laughs at the dinner table.  He would pause a moment to lovingly pet one of the cats.  He is still shy around people.

Some things never change.

Although a part of my dad is missing, he is still the wonderful father that God gave me.  God did a an amazing thing when He wrought my father in the womb.

He shall be a man of quiet strength.  He shall know when to speak and when to be silent.  He shall "provide things honest in the sight of all men."  He shall have a high sense of morality, responsibility, honesty and unwavering loyalty.  He shall have a faith as solid as stone.  He shall be a man of integrity.  He shall have and impart wisdom.  He shall be called, "beloved."

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Please join me in praying for my father, that God would provide a quite peace to flood his soul.  It would be our greatest desire for God to heal him, but we also know that God's thoughts are higher than our thoughts.  He is in control.  

I remember a night many years ago, when I complained to my father about a lingering hip displacement that was causing me much pain and agony.  I told him my woes and asked, "why do I have this problem?  Why won't God just fix me?"  My dad paused for a moment to collect his thoughts, then carefully replied with, "though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him.*"

That made a profound impression on my young mind.

And now, as my dad battles his worst enemy, he is a living example of the very words he uttered that night so many years ago.  Although his modesty compels him to stay silent, I speak from witnessing him, that he believes those words.  He has that kind of trust.

And again, I'm profoundly impressed.

*Job 13:15

Reflections on Tomatoes

  You know something I learned while washing dishes and staring at the row of store-bought tomatoes lining our windowsill?  They all look the same.  They are the same shape, same color, same size, same spherical perfection.  If I were to study them, and someone would then mix them up, I probably wouldn't be able to put them in the same order that I had studied them in.  They look too much alike.

  Our garden tomatoes on the other hand... they each have their own personality.  Bug bites, large, small, round, oval, heart-shaped, just-plain-warped, red, greenish, orange, yellow... they're all different.  They are unique.  They aren't just a bunch of cookie cutter tomatoes, picked at the same time and ripened at the same time.  They are hand picked when they are at their prime - twisted or small, it doesn't matter.  And you know what?  They taste way better than those beautiful, perfect, store bought tomatoes.

  I also noted that although our garden tomatoes may have bug bites and be warped, we don't really care.  We know what they're made up of and where they're from.  We know that as soon as our tongue makes contact with the juicy red plumpness that we'll care less what the outside looked like. 

  Now, I'm not really a tomato expert, neither am I that fond of tomatoes (I used to sell them because I wouldn't eat them).  I can stand them in any form but their whole form.  But still, I must admit (with a little sheepishness) that our garden tomatoes far outpass the store bought beauties we are forced to buy when our gardnen's out of commission. 

What lesson did I draw from this?  I'm sure you can guess.

  There's a common notion that people pass along that goes something like, "the beauty's on the inside" or "inside beauty."  It stems from the realization that some people may not be beautiful on the outside but they have that winning personality, or the sweet disposition, or an upstanding character.  This is the "beauty" that we hint at in those phrases stated above.

  I know of several young ladies who have no "knock-out" type looks to speak of and yet they have won a place in my "good lookin' ladies" list. Why?  Because they have the "inward beauty of a meek and quiet spirit."  Their personalities and characters have made them beautiful.  They are the home-grown garden tomatoes.

  On the other hand, I know of another set of ladies who may have the bomb hair or the gorgeous eyes or the incredible facial features, and yet lack in the area of inward beauty.  And you know what?  They aren't on my list of "good lookin' ladies.  Why?  Because they may be snotty, whining, fussy, rude or even too girlie for me.  They become unpleasant to be around and thus their looks mean nothing.  They are the store-bought beauties.

  I can't stress enough how important it is for girls to focus on those things which are long lasting.  Who wants a perfect beauty if she's rotten or tasteless on the inside?  Establish your own sense of purpose, your own set of convictions.  Let the Holy Spirit do His work on your heart.  You may not be perfect on the outside, but if you've been working on the inside, your efforts will start showing.

  I'm always disgusted when I see girls trying so hard to look like everyone else.  They are just another perfect tomato sitting on the windowsill, unidentifiable when surrounded by their peers.  They dress like them, act like them, talk like them.  They are those girls that, when you get to know them, you realize it's all skin deep.  There's nothing substantial.  Just going to a county fair gives an overwhelming feeling of monotony.  Surrounded by tan babes wearing as little clothing as possible, sporting a flirty attitude, I rather feel like a sore spot in the crowd.  But is that a bad thing?

   When we have developed those things that are lasting, namely a godly character and all the wonderful things that come with it, we may look different, yet we have a beauty that no perfect store-bought "tomato" could ever possess.  It can't help but shine through.  We should take care to keep ourselves well tended, but it shouldn't be an obsession.  Rather, it will just be an enhancement of the inner beauty that we've labored for so earnestly.  That's the tasty part of the tomato.

  And acquire your own personality (be it sweet and kind!).  Don't mimic what everyone else does and says.  Have your own opinions, your own standards and your own religion.  Don't be a copycat.  They're miserable to have around.

  ...And don't be afraid to get dirty!  A little sweat didn't hurt nobody (sorry for the bad grammer there... just trying to add to the point).  Get your hands soiled, your hair messy, your neck sweaty.  It all adds to the character development! :)